her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
