He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
