my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hippo gnu deer
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
