Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
as a side note pls kill me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
