Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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