I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
People with herpes should wear stickers.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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