I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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