I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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