mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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