There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
