Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
