All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
