He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
