Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
