TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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