wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My pussy is not your playground.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
