Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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