I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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