I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
