How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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