I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
