i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
