How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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