Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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