ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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