Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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