I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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