I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
