is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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