Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
