My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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