So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
