i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
