ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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