I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
