need another drink. this is the easiest way
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
