wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's blow job season.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
