I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think i have herpe
just one?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
