the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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