we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
