It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
