What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
