they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
