Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
