Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
