just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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