and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
