Someone shit on the floor
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
