no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
