my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize