apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
