oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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