well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Michael Bay diarrhea
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
