Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
