I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
