Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
