would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just got carded by a ten year old.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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