when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
