she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
birth control should be required to get into college
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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