Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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