i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
