I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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