I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
