Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
