how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And then he peed in my hair
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