You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
