I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize