just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
