you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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