Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
