first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
