Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize